[Book Sip] The Controversial Mom Cafe, Inside There Was a Sense of 'Dunggeuldunggeul'

by Seo Miteum

Published 16 Nov.2023 09:00(KST)

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Mom cafes, where women share various emotions and experiences including childcare, daily life, education, and local information, have become a controversial space at some point. News and internet sources spread the 'misdeeds' of mom cafes, subjecting them to relentless criticism from many people. Abuse of power, collective selfishness, infringement of educational authority, pediatric clinics shutting down, agitation and fake news, hotbeds of hatred, selfish maternal collectives... Currently, there is a strong negative public opinion toward mom cafes in our society. This book analyzes the background. The author, who has operated mom cafes for over five years, discusses the characteristics and operational methods of mom cafes, as well as controversies over politicization and commercialization. Furthermore, it explores why mothers become deeply immersed in mom cafes despite various controversies and examines the social context that is increasingly turning into a 'sex isolated' society. Numerous incidents and accidents that unfolded internally are also introduced. The author expresses concern about the hatred and stigmatization stemming from ignorance and misunderstanding toward mom cafes and states, "I hope to foster a more accurate understanding of the mom cafe community and share that awareness and reflection with others."

[Book Sip] The Controversial Mom Cafe, Inside There Was a Sense of 'Dunggeuldunggeul'

However, the news only occasionally features strange stories once a year, and even then, only the most provocative sentence from that article is captured and suddenly appears on screen. Words like 'abuse of power,' 'witch hunt,' 'public shaming,' 'collective selfishness,' and so on are linked with the term 'mom cafe' and appear alongside devilish editing. Then, concerns arise about the 'politicized' mom cafes being impure, and phrases like 'mom cafes blinded by commercial interests' emerge. Some even claim that mom cafes, drifting away from their original purpose of sharing childcare information, are 'the root of all evil' and should be shut down, with such posts appearing on national petition platforms, which the media kindly highlights. - From "Part 1 Chapter 1 | Introduction: The Beginning of All Secrets"

Mistakes in childcare are not tolerated, and for the infinitely vulnerable child, one inevitably pursues the most perfect method. For that reason, most people probably find it easier to research, verify, and judge their childcare themselves rather than listen to someone else's advice. So, when I was struggling with childcare, I think I relied on mom cafes rather than calling my mother. At least there, the most up-to-date information was shared, and people who listened attentively to contemporary experts gathered. - From "Part 1 Chapter 2 | How I Became Addicted to Mom Cafes"

The reason I kept visiting mom cafes was probably because, as a working person, I had no time to socialize with neighbors or other mothers. Thanks to the mom cafe space, I could at least know what was happening in my neighborhood even at work. For example, why an ambulance was dispatched to our apartment last night. Thus, mom cafes fulfilled a small sense of belonging to the local community where I live. - From "Part 1 Chapter 4 | The Beginning of a Long and Difficult Journey"

Here, I want to talk about the most important unwritten rule characterizing the mom cafe space: 'roundness.' Mom cafes must be round spaces, so members themselves cannot break rules or endure uncomfortable situations. Therefore, many members request immediate penalties for rule-breakers or ask for new rules to be created when content is unpleasant to see. Thanks to such users' sense of belonging and interest in mom cafes, these spaces can be operated more positively and constructively. - From "Part 3 Chapter 2 | The Most Important Unwritten Rule of This Space"

Thinking about this differently, most complaints of discomfort carry a purposeful intent of 'be on my side.' Since mom cafes must not violate the 'shared sentiment,' there is a necessary process to check whether my discomfort might be due to my own fault or selfishness. Therefore, posts starting with "Am I the only one uncomfortable?" or similar nuances basically aim to gain the agreement of mom cafe members. - From "Part 3 Chapter 3 | The Emergence of the 'Professional Complainer'"

Participating in such collective movements becomes a means to realize one's social self. In other words, it enhances the self-efficacy of individuals who consider themselves weak. Seeing people who share my views gather one by one confirms that my thoughts are not mine alone. Also, watching the number of comments and 'likes' increase, and seeing more people join and cohesion form through intuitive numbers, can be a sufficient incentive for active behavior. - From "Part 4 Chapter 1 | 'Unity is Strength'"

Mothers want to know which academies other mothers send their children to and whether those academies have good or bad reputations. In some mom cafes located in areas known as 'school districts,' where many people interested in their children's education gather, sharing private education information such as academies or educational institutions is mandatory to raise one's membership level and gain access to posts (information). However, pure sharing of private education information in local mom cafes has its limits. Here, the round characteristic of mom cafes faces another turning point. - From "Part 3 Chapter 4 | The Clash of Round Desires: Regarding Private Education"