[Joseonhee's Frame] Not Crazy Yet?

Published 07 Dec.2020 13:00(KST)

2020 The frozen d-1 (Provided by Joajoa Studio)

My cherished assistant ran away. They left a few lines of message on KakaoTalk and disappeared. For a month or two before that, accidents kept happening one after another. They dropped the camera twice, resulting in repair costs exceeding 10 million won, and perhaps because of that 'mental breakdown,' they made mistakes in everything they did.

Because I cared for that person, I swallowed the rising anger inside, thinking that if I got mad, they would lose their composure even more. But in the end, they decided to avoid the problem and run away. This incident clearly proved that I am a kkontae (old-fashioned person). I just cannot understand their behavior at all. I never asked them to pay for the repair costs, and since it was something difficult for them to handle, I wish we could have had some conversation to understand each other and resolve it. But to just avoid it like this, throwing away all the affection and time accumulated so far, is incomprehensible.

Moreover, to give up on their dream over something like this... I couldn’t understand it, so I asked acquaintances, and they said kids these days are all like that. They said not to try to understand but just accept them as a different species. However, I still cannot accept it. I guess I really am a kkontae.

Dreams don’t come true just by dreaming. They require a time of endurance. To endure that time, you have to go crazy. It has to be 'this or nothing.' You have to be in a state where, like the air you breathe, you feel you would die without it, and like someone who just fell in love, you feel you would go crazy if you don’t see it, your heart pounding so hard that you can’t sleep.

To those of you who entered this field carrying your dreams, I want to ask: why aren’t you going crazy? If you want to live your whole life doing what you love, shouldn’t you go crazy? How can you afford to live like others, playing all the time and resting all the time, and still claim to make your passion your profession?

There were several times when assistants left a few lines of text or a letter and disappeared. Each time, the one who got hurt and pained was me, the one left behind. Saying 'kids these days are all like that' doesn’t quite relieve the feeling I had, and that feeling was this: 'You’re not crazy yet? How can you achieve your dream without going crazy?'

I went crazy and lived a fun, wild life. Now I’m thinking about how to go crazy in another way and live intensely once more. Next year, I plan to go crazy over personal projects I couldn’t finish this year. Going crazy requires study. When you’re young and crazy, you just have to go straight, but when the path of going straight ends, you have to turn. That’s why study is necessary.

Back when I only had to go straight, hormones, adrenaline, and even pheromones automatically headed in one direction, so I didn’t have to worry much and could just go crazy, which was great. It was great to be able to go crazy in a wild way. To those of you who haven’t become kkontae yet, I dare say: that beautiful time when you can just go crazy will soon pass, so you have to go crazy now! I want to go crazy properly once again in 2021!