[Park Chung-hoon's DotdanBook] How to Manage Emotions in an Era of Chaos and Anxiety

Mark Brackett 著 'Discovery of Emotions'

"Hey, put on your mask!" "Who are you to nag me!" A scuffle breaks out on the subway over whether to wear a mask. The man who was nagged keeps huffing and puffing and eventually delivers a sidekick to the other person. The narrowly dodging opponent jumps up, clenching his fist. Someone sitting across is expressionless, live-streaming the scene on their smartphone. Netizens watching the video on social networking services (SNS) are eager to vent the emotional residue they couldn't release in real life.

In today's world, where so-called 'Corona Blue' is widespread, this is a 'laugh-cry' case caused by people who cannot properly control their emotions.

Just as children learn to use chopsticks, they must also learn how to properly handle emotions. Many suffer from stress because they don't even know how to understand and utilize their emotions correctly. According to the 'World Happiness Report' released last year, negative emotions such as worry, anger, and sadness increased by a staggering 27% worldwide from 2010 to 2018.

Mark Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a researcher of emotions and emotional intelligence for 20 years, poses the question in his book The Emotionally Intelligent Leader (translated title: The Discovery of Emotion): "Why do we try to hide our emotions?" People hide them fearing discomfort in relationships or being looked down upon by others. Living while hiding emotions makes it difficult to express them properly. They fail to pinpoint the exact causes of their emotions. Their ability to detect subtle emotions others reveal unconsciously also dulls.

The result is dire. A person who is gentle outside becomes a fierce 'Bang-guseok Yeopo' (a fierce warrior in the corner) at home, and may suffer from eating disorders like binge eating. More frightening is that children learn how to handle emotions from such adults. The author worries, saying, "We are facing a huge crisis," and "The greatest victims might be our children."

The author became an 'emotion scientist' studying emotions and emotional abilities. The trigger came from his childhood. He calmly reveals in his book that he was bullied by classmates and sexually abused by a neighbor man. His parents did not know how to properly handle emotions. When their child shouted at the family in abnormal behavior, the parents shouted back or resorted to corporal punishment.

The author says he only learned the lesson, "Never express my emotions to my parents." What saved him was Uncle Marvin. The uncle asked a very simple question: "Mark, how do you feel?" The author says such a trivial question changed his life. The uncle genuinely cared about and tried to understand the author's feelings.

The author set out to develop an optimal course for understanding and managing emotions. This is the so-called 'RULER' technique. One-quarter of public schools in New York use the RULER technique to provide emotional education to students. The RULER technique is a five-step concept that involves ▲Recognizing emotions as they are, ▲Understanding them accurately, ▲Labeling them with specific names, then ▲Expressing them honestly, and ▲Regulating them in a sound and healthy way.

A supplementary tool called the mood meter can help recognize and understand emotions. The mood meter arranges 100 emotional expression words on a four-quadrant coordinate system based on high or low pleasantness and high or low energy. It helps one gauge where their emotions lie on the coordinate.

The first three steps, in other words, identifying, understanding, and naming the causes of emotions, belong to the realm of 'thinking skills.' You might find the cause of your emotions in places you never thought of.

Next, 'behavioral skills' are needed to decide how to reveal and utilize emotions. The author also presents practical training methods to develop behavioral skills. Mindful breathing, shifting attention, and the 'meta moment' strategy are examples. 'Direct confrontation' is not the only answer. Sometimes, when emotions surge, it's okay to think about something else or change the subject.

Among these, the meta moment strategy, which involves briefly observing one's current situation, is particularly interesting. Thinking about how your 'best self' would control this moment can help regulate emotions.

Emotional utilization ability, or emotional intelligence, affects all areas of life including health, creativity, and social skills. The author argues that families and schools should teach how to properly understand and use emotions. Not only students but also teachers need to develop emotional abilities. A survey of 5,000 American teachers found that 70% of the emotions they experience daily are negative, such as frustration, fatigue, and stress.

The author says emotional ability is "the key to unlocking our hidden inner potential." He persuades us to build a more advanced society and culture through the development of emotional abilities. This is the so-called 'emotion revolution.'

In a world where the emotion revolution succeeds, explosive anger stemming from racial discrimination and emotional labor caused by hierarchical relationships will disappear. In such a world, the subway brawl mentioned at the beginning might end in a warm reconciliation.

(The Discovery of Emotion / Mark Brackett / Translated by Lim Ji-yeon / Booklife / 16,800 KRW)

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.