[MZ Column] Life Is the Sum of Me and the People I Loved

Life Develops Through Relationships with Others
It Must Be Drawn Together with Various Protagonists

Not long ago, during my child's kindergarten vacation, the three of us in the family decided to go to Lotte World. Early in the morning, we stepped into the nostalgic world of fantasy for the first time in over ten years. Come to think of it, since the child was born, this was not only the first time but also the first time even during our dating days that we had been to Lotte World. Each of us carried memories that were secrets to one another, and before we knew it, the three of us came together side by side. It felt somewhat unfamiliar that we came to this place not for ‘me’ but for the ‘other’ called the child.

Although we bought free pass tickets, we couldn’t ride any of the thrilling rides like the roller coaster that used to chill our spines when we visited before. Instead, we rode ‘Sinbad’s Adventure’ together for the child, but since even that scared the child, we headed to the area with children’s rides. The child seemed to feel that a carousel was just the right amount of thrill. We spent the whole day wandering around the rides prepared for children. For lunch, we chose Korean bulgogi, which was easy for the child to eat.

If the students or young people at Lotte World had seen us, they might have felt a bit sorry for us. Even when choosing lunch, we worried about what the child could eat, couldn’t ride rides freely, and lived a day centered entirely around the child. Few young people would simply say ‘I envy you’ after seeing such a routine. Becoming three, that is, living together while having to care for someone else, means in some way having to yield oneself and restrain one’s desires. Nowadays, such yielding or restraint is often perceived as just unfortunate, a losing, foolish sacrifice.

However, as I grow older, form a family, live with my child, and see many people around me either leave or stay, I learn something somewhat different. I realize that just as much as I gain from being deeply immersed in my own desires and pleasures, there is also something to be gained by diluting myself and stepping back. I could be happy if I went alone to an amusement park, ate all I wanted, and rode everything I wanted. But the life I am learning whispers that true happiness is different from that.

Rather, happiness seems to be realized as something indescribable when I yield a little of myself and give that empty space to someone else. When I lift up the running child, hug them, rub cheeks, and watch their smiling face, I clearly feel that this is the happiness that comes from how much I have given of myself. Holding hands side by side as the three of us roam the amusement park, looking in wonder at the hot air balloons on the ceiling and shouting, I realize that I belong to a joy greater than myself. When the days that return are not pleasures for me alone but are settled like photographs in the shared memories we have created, I feel that I have made a more life-like life.

Of course, since ways of life are diverse, no one way can be said to be the absolute answer. But as I live more, I come to believe the saying that life is ultimately ‘the sum of me and the people I have loved.’ At some point, I believed that the protagonist of life was me, and that my existence traveling this world was life. But nowadays, I feel that I am writing a story in the space of life together with many protagonists.

The lead role in my life is not only me. The people I love and those who have deep relationships with me are also the leads in this life. I live not a singular life but a plural life. I truly believe that life is relationship, and the more true relationships I bring into my life, the deeper I belong to life.

Jung Ji-woo, Cultural Critic

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.