[The Typing Baker] How to Acknowledge My Pain and Embrace His Pain

A Mother Who Found Courage for Her Daughter
The Process of Tracing Wounds, Not Diseases
A World That Considers Patients 'Abnormal'
Living with Illness, Being There by Their Side

"I wanted the director to tell the world about the eating disorder my child is going through, instead of me."

The first time I encountered the story of the author of This Is Also My Life was at the GV screening of the film A Table for Two. The author’s mother hoped that many children suffering from the same illness as her daughter existed in the world, and she wished that the film would realistically raise awareness about eating disorders. It must not have been easy to expose the guilt toward her daughter and the daily struggles of constant arguments and conversations in front of the camera. However, behind it all was a desperate love cheering for her daughter’s future.

The author also gathers courage through the book This Is Also My Life. From the preface, the author breaks the prejudice that eating disorders are “diseases caused by diet obsession.” She carefully traces back to where her illness began. Rather than searching for the cause of the illness, she shows the process of understanding herself by gently touching the wounds that lie somewhere within. "Illness occurs at the intersection of personal factors, family factors, and social factors," the author explains.

The author revealed that it was difficult to endure the pitying gaze of those around her, including her mother, who saw her illness only as a subject for treatment. Thin body, depression, vomiting. When the author was hospitalized, she felt that those around her treated all her actions as if she were someone outside the “normal range.” The treatment methods were also focused solely on making her recognize her illness as a disease itself. Rather, the anxiety in front of food gradually lessened as she understood the context of her life?why she stopped eating, and what kinds of deficiencies her mother and grandmother had felt living their lives.

One of the most important parts of the author’s process of understanding herself was forgiving her mother. While she could not deny that her mother’s childhood anxiety and deprivation influenced her own growth, her mother’s anxiety was not her entire self. From the moment she understood her mother, the author was able to accept her own life as well. "I hope she lives freely so that my life is not a substitute for my mother’s," the author said. The solidarity among women who have been targets of various forms of violence in society became another identity for the author.

The title of the book This Is Also My Life compresses all the messages the author wants to send to the world. A life with disabilities and anxiety is also one’s own life, and no one can be excluded or marginalized. Even now, various illnesses exist in our society, and everyone has some pain or difference. It is only a matter of how big or small wounds manifest. What humans can do is accept their painful selves and sometimes stay by the side of those who are hurting.

In that sense, it is appropriate to view this book as a story of one person’s growth. It is less about how the illness was cured and more about tracing the life lived by someone with such an illness. Nowadays, even on TV, celebrities appear on various psychological counseling and treatment programs, sharing their stories and shedding tears. Perhaps it is time to embrace the diverse lives with pain and wounds with a broader heart.

This Is Also My Life (15 Years with an Eating Disorder) | Written by Park Chaeyoung | May of Spring | 244 pages | 17,000 KRW

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.