[A Sip of a Book] 'My Life's Friend, Gonghwang Jang-ae (Panic Disorder)'

Some sentences encapsulate the entire content of the book itself, while others instantly reach the reader's heart and create a connection with the book. We introduce such meaningful sentences excerpted from the book. - Editor's note

The author once became close friends with anger, anxiety, fear, and sensitivity caused by childhood emotional wounds. The same goes for 'panic disorder.' The author experienced fear fiercely attacking, pressing down on the throat as if to 'cut off' the head, heart, and breath. The author asked, "Why did this happen to me?" As a result, the author realized that all the causes were not external but internal, and through this, recognized mental maturity. The author conveys this insight to the readers.

For about a year, I had to spend nights in the car in the parking lot of a university hospital emergency room. These times spent in front of the hospital became comforting because whenever symptoms like sudden breathlessness or numbness in the head appeared, I could immediately go to the emergency room. And when such symptoms actually occurred, I saw myself rushing out of the car to the emergency room as if I were an independent fighter ready to run whenever my homeland called in a dangerous situation. In this way, I gradually fell deeper into a severe panic state, as if hypnotized, sinking into the quagmire I had created myself.

The self-esteem lost during my school days piled up as wounds in my heart, and I had to live by mentally murdering those terrible teachers thousands of times. I never imagined that these traumas would one by one make 'panic' my close friend.

At that time, I met the criteria for separation anxiety disorder, and I believe I also had selective mutism, where I would keep silent and not speak to strangers. These events naturally laid the groundwork for my experiencing panic disorder even after becoming an adult.

From Chapter 1: The Beginning of the Movie 'My Life's Friend, Panic Disorder'

I think the seeds of resentment and hatred eventually became one of the many catalysts that triggered panic attacks after a long time.

These occasional terrible behaviors of mine felt like mocking the me who was healing body and mind every day through meditation, exercise, and reading books with the belief that I could overcome panic disorder if I just endured a little longer. On the other hand, each time this happened, my disappointment in my inability to act harmoniously deepened my feelings of emptiness.

When I first encountered 'panic disorder,' it was an unfamiliar term to most people, and visiting a neuropsychiatric clinic was socially stigmatized as having serious mental problems or being crazy. So, even when I first experienced symptoms in 2004 and frequently visited the university hospital emergency room due to severe panic attacks in 2005, without any special information, I thought the only solution was to shout, "Stress, go away quickly."

From Chapter 2: Facing the Anger, Anxiety, and Fear Within Me

My Life's Friend Panic Disorder | Author: Choi Guwon (Text) | 220 pages | A1 Books | 14,400 KRW

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.