"You Are Happy Because of Me"... Is 'Gaslighting' Wrapped in 'Love' Okay Like This?

Seo Yea-ji's Side Denies Gaslighting Allegations: "A Lovers' Dispute"
Gaslighting, Subtle Manipulation of Others' Psychology or Situations

Actor Seo Yea-ji.

[Asia Economy Reporter Heo Midam] "Because of me, he is happy. So I make him even happier."

Recently, conversations between actors Seo Yea-ji and Kim Jung-hyun during their relationship were revealed, sparking ongoing 'gaslighting' controversy. Gaslighting refers to psychological manipulation that conditions the other person to be unable to make proper judgments, thereby exerting psychological control and pressure. Seo Yea-ji's side denied the controversy, calling it a "common lovers' quarrel."

Gaslighting can occur not only between lovers but also in various relationships such as family and workplace, but most victims are completely unaware of it. Even when victims recognize the abuse, it is often difficult to prove psychological control, so perpetrators frequently avoid legal punishment.

Recently, a media outlet mentioned Seo Yea-ji as one of the reasons why Kim Jung-hyun left the MBC drama "Time," which ended in September 2018, during their relationship at the time.

According to the report, Seo Yea-ji called Kim Jung-hyun "Mr. Kim Ddakddak" and said, "Edit it so there’s no romance," "No skinship," and "It’s right not to greet the staff." Kim Jung-hyun responded, "Okay," and even filmed the shooting site to report to Seo Yea-ji.

As the gaslighting controversy grew, Seo Yea-ji’s agency Gold Medalist explained, "It is a lovers' quarrel between actors who are in a relationship." The agency stated, "It is hard to accept logically that the lead actor of a drama would act without free will just because of someone’s words," adding, "It is practically impossible for an actor to perform and shoot without any will."

The photo is unrelated to specific expressions in the article. [Image source=Yonhap News]

Despite the agency’s explanation, public interest in gaslighting is increasing. The term 'gaslighting' originated from the 1983 play "Gas Light," directed by Patrick Hamilton. In the play, the husband deliberately dims the gas lights in the house and blames his wife when she says the house is dark, making her doubt her perception. Gradually, the wife’s judgment becomes impaired, and she ends up depending on her husband.

In other words, gaslighting is emotional abuse that cunningly manipulates another person’s psychology or situation to make them doubt themselves, thereby strengthening control over them. The term was first established in psychology by psychoanalyst and psychotherapist Dr. Robin Stern in 2007.

Gaslighting frequently occurs between lovers. According to a past study on 'Adult Dating Violence Perpetrators' by the Korea Institute of Criminology Policy, among 2,000 respondents, 1,593 (79.7%) admitted to controlling behaviors that are not recognized as violence, such as controlling their partner’s actions. For example, always checking who their partner is with or restricting their clothing choices. These are forms of gaslighting.

Actors Kim Jung-hyun (left) and Seo Yea-ji (right). [Image source=Yonhap News]

Earlier, in January last year, Won Jong-geon, who was recruited as the second talent by the Democratic Party, was also involved in a gaslighting controversy.

At the time, his ex-girlfriend claimed, "Even in summer when the temperature was over 35 degrees Celsius, he only wore long shirts and jeans. Even when he wore skirts, they were always long enough to cover his legs. Yet, he called me a exhibitionist every day, saying that my collarbones and cleavage were visible when I bent over. On days I wore shorts, he was angry at me all day." As the gaslighting controversy grew, Won eventually left the party.

Gaslighting also occurs in parent-child relationships. Forcing opinions on children or repeatedly saying things like "I’m saying this for your own good" or "You’re a 'good' daughter" can also be considered gaslighting.

Additionally, it can happen in various social relationships such as between senior and junior colleagues or close friends. For example, a boss belittling a junior by saying, "Who else but me would give you this kind of advice?" is a form of gaslighting.

However, legally punishing gaslighting is very difficult. Since it often occurs in intimate relationships such as family, lovers, or friends, it rarely leads to legal action, and victims often do not realize they are being abused. Even when victims recognize the abuse, it is hard to prove psychological or emotional control.

Experts point out that gaslighting victims may experience confusion and suggest the need for related psychological therapy.

In the paper "Coercive Control Experiences of Female Victims of Dating Violence" (Kwon Jin-sook & Park Si-hyun/2019), the authors stated, "Gaslighting, as expressed in psychology, is a tactic used by perpetrators to manipulate victims," adding, "Victims experienced extreme confusion, feeling their rationality was paralyzed and denying their own thoughts during gaslighting experiences."

They continued, "Perpetrators should receive education on sexual cognition, respect for the opposite sex, human rights, and attachment formation, while victims should be provided not only with education to increase sensitivity to violence but also psychological therapy to overcome trauma even after the relationship ends."

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.