[Forgotten Children] "Every Child Wants to Be With Their Mother... Nothing Is More Important Than That"

Experienced Racism at School as a Child... Still Ongoing Today
Social Attitude: "You Should Be Grateful to Live Here"
Call for Immediate End to Overseas Adoption... Korea Is No Longer a Poor Country

This letter is addressed to the Korean government. My name is Malene Vestergor, and I am working as a chef in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was born in Korea in the winter of 1982 and adopted to Denmark just after my first birthday, growing up in a small town. My adoptive parents were strict yet loving and considerate people. Although we were not wealthy, they spared no expense when it came to hobbies and education. Thanks to them, I was able to participate in a variety of activities such as sports, dance, and gymnastics.

Malene Vestergor, who was adopted to Denmark in 1983, has almost no records regarding her biological parents. According to the Korean Social Service Society (KSS), her mother was a 27-year-old unmarried woman with the surname Lee at the time. However, there is not even a signed consent for overseas adoption. Vestergor said, "If I don't do my best to find the truth, I think I will never have peace of mind in my life." Photo by the subject

As a child, I had a strong desire to fit in and to be loved by others. I tried hard to be a fun and likable person. However, I was bullied simply because I was Asian, to the extent that I had to transfer schools. People called me "Korean Malene." My adoptive parents told me, "You are no different from anyone else," but once I stepped out into the world, I realized that was just an illusion. Not only did I experience gestures mocking my eyes, but even now, people on the street sometimes shout "Nihao" at me. During the COVID-19 pandemic, when I was running a cafe, a customer once said, "I don't want to buy coffee from you. I'm afraid I might catch COVID."

Small instances of everyday discrimination still persist. Even though I am a Danish citizen, I sometimes receive comments like, "Oh, you speak Danish so well." Some people assume I must know everything about kimchi or rice. These are not meant to be malicious, but they come from ignorance. Others respond by saying, "This isn't racism, it's just a joke." Now, I pretend to be numb to discrimination and act as if it doesn't bother me. I've also learned not to reveal my feelings about being adopted, as that helps me hide my vulnerabilities and avoid hurtful remarks. Still, the general atmosphere in society is that I should be grateful just to be living here. Any pain or discrimination I experience is minimized when compared to living in Denmark, a welfare state.

Sometimes I recall my first visit to Korea in 2023. People didn’t notice I was a foreigner. In one restaurant, the waiter forgot I couldn’t speak Korean and addressed me in Korean every time he came to the table. Even such awkward moments felt pleasant. Although I don’t know much about Korea, the unfamiliar things felt oddly comforting, giving me a sense of belonging. I especially enjoyed the time I spent alone on the Seoul subway during rush hour. Surrounded by people who looked like me, I felt at ease. In those moments, it was as if I, too, was on my way to work, and as if my life was truly rooted in Korea.

The Korean government has announced plans to end overseas adoption by 2029, but I hope it ends even sooner. I don't want other children to experience the alienation or discrimination I did growing up abroad. It is truly heartbreaking when a child is excluded from play or group activities just because of their appearance. Is overseas adoption really the best choice for the child? Of course, if I had grown up in Korea during the 1980s, my life would have been very different compared to growing up in Denmark. However, at the very least, I would not have had to struggle with basic issues such as identity, belonging, and family. I also would not have had to constantly worry that sharing these feelings might sound like a complaint about my adoptive parents.

Some may wish for more money or a better education, but in the end, every child simply wants to be with their mother. Nothing is more important than that. For those who have never been separated from their family and country, it is difficult to imagine the pain. Korea is no longer a poor country. There are few countries that have developed so rapidly. Isn’t it time to help people who are not wealthy or privileged to raise their children? Society must support parents so they can raise their children. I believe that is a fundamental human right.

※ This letter is adapted from an online interview conducted on May 2 with Malene Vestergor (Korean name: Lee Misuk), who was adopted to Denmark in 1983, and sent to the Korean government.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.