[People Met Through Books] "Sad feelings are also habits... You can develop a 'positive habit' in 3 weeks"

"All answers lie within me. The healer is myself. Just by finding meaning in life, there is a reason to live."

This is the lesson that Park Sang-mi (46), a psychological counselor who suffered from severe emotional pain since childhood, gained through her particularly turbulent life. For the five-year-old girl who relied heavily on her father, the six months of separation caused by her father's battle with cancer left lasting separation anxiety and depression well into adulthood. The medication prescribed by the hospital was ineffective. Life was so difficult that one day in her twenties, she even attempted suicide.

She decided to live again after encountering Viktor Frankl’s "Logotherapy," developed by the survivor of a Nazi concentration camp. Before entering her doctoral program, she asked herself a fundamental question: "Is literature really saving me?" Unable to find an answer, she shifted her focus to psychology. At the age of thirty-six, she flew to Germany, where she encountered Viktor Frankl’s psychology and discovered the "meaning of life." The warm words of her mentor pulled her out of the swamp of depression that she could not escape despite all her efforts. "You truly love yourself. You have made so many efforts. A therapist who has experienced hardships like you can save many people. Your future is very promising."

Reborn into a world free from depression, she felt she could not keep this experience to herself. She started by organizing her surroundings. She removed depression from those she met and filled the space with meaning, reasons for living, and happiness. The starting point was the Korean community she met in Germany, many of whom turned out to be orphans who had come from Korea. From then on, she began helping them find their roots, and upon learning that many of their parents were single mothers, she also took an interest in single mothers. This interest expanded to the point where, in the process of finding the fathers of the children, she even reached prisons. Determined to break the vicious cycle of passing on painful lives to children as unstable beings, she began counseling inmates. She runs a counseling corner on the prison’s "Borami Broadcast," which has a 100% listening rate, earning her the nickname "Fat Lee Young-ae" due to the enthusiastic response. Although she has had to move many times because of inmates visiting her after release, she has continued this education for nine years. After learning that many inmates’ children are in orphanages, she also connected with them, especially helping those who have "aged out" of orphanages to stand on their own in society. She strives to instill a healthy mind, which is most important for sustaining life.

"Depressive feelings are also a habit." This is the advice she gives every time she meets a client. Her argument is that only by correcting mental habits can one live a happy life. We met Park Sang-mi, the author of the book of the same name (Evening Moon), on the 3rd at "Healing Campus The Gonggam," a psychological education institution where she serves as dean.

Professor Sangmi Park, CEO of Healing Campus The Gonggam, who published "Sad Feelings Are Also Habits." Photo by Younghan Heo younghan@

- You are currently working as a psychological counselor, but you went through a difficult period trapped in deep depression before that.

▲ When my father underwent cancer surgery, I was temporarily placed with my maternal relatives at age five, which caused separation anxiety, and I suffered from depression during adolescence. Adolescent depression is truly unfair because the person is really struggling, but adults often dismiss it as just puberty. They scold, saying "Everyone goes through it, you’re being dramatic." In fact, there are many children like this. They are often labeled as lazy or pathetic, and the opportunity for treatment is missed. It’s not something to scold them for just sleeping lethargically.

- However, it seems that many cases do not respond well even to medication or treatment. Did you continue to struggle with depression until you entered graduate school in psychology at age 32 and then went to Germany to study professional treatment methods?

▲ If adolescent depression is neglected, the depressive mindset often becomes a lifelong habit. I was the same. When my father passed away during my senior year of college, my symptoms worsened, and I even attempted suicide. People with severe depression often feel more at peace when they think about suicide. I did receive treatment. I read many psychology books and underwent psychotherapy after getting a job. I had long psychoanalysis counseling, but it didn’t suit me well. Digging into the past in a situation where everything felt empty and I didn’t know the reason to live was not very helpful.

- Then where did you find the key to solving it?

▲ Things changed remarkably when I began to assign meaning to the past. The biggest symptom of depression is "emptiness." Logotherapy guides people who suffer from the pain of life’s meaninglessness, saying "I don’t know why I live," to discover meaning. When you find the meaning of your life, you can assign meaning to the past and take steps toward the future as a driving force for growth. The core of logotherapy is "The power to heal the most meaningful and precious being in the world?myself?is within me."

- But discovering that power on your own is not easy, is it?

▲ When things are very difficult, it’s good to get help from a professional. I also learned how to reinterpret pain and store the past meaningfully with the help of experts. The mentor I met in Germany fully supported me when I complained, "I’ve tried so hard, why can’t I get better?" He gave meaning by saying, "You are doing your best to save yourself, so you can grow even more," and applauded me. I realized, "Ah~ my struggles with depression, anxiety, and panic will become assets that help me understand many others as a therapist." Many people who have experienced suicide or self-harm come to see me, and I tell them, "I was no different from you, and I got better like this. I am your future. Let’s practice together."

Professor Sangmi Park, CEO of Healing Campus The Gonggam, who published "Sad Feelings Are Also Habits." Photo by Younghan Heo younghan@

- I understand that in cases of severe depression, even visiting a counseling room is difficult.

▲ That’s right. When it’s really hard, even putting on shoes is a burden, and people disconnect from the world. To help those suffering from depression and lethargy, I started a YouTube broadcast ("Park Sang-mi Radio") a few years ago. Feeling depressed or anxious frequently is also a habit. I guide people to develop the habit of experiencing positive emotions more often. The brain is simpler than you think. Even if it’s just a YouTube broadcast, if you consistently practice the content for 21 days, the brain prepares to accept it as a lifelong habit.

- Although worries vary, are there any concerns that have recently stood out among your clients?

▲ Social phobia has worsened. Especially among adolescents who spent three years of the COVID-19 pandemic during the most important period for human relationships, many are considering dropping out of school. They say it’s difficult just to approach friends. The same goes for university students. Those who spent three out of four years of college during COVID-19 have great fear of employment. Recently, many young people have been complaining of depression, anxiety, and social phobia during social adaptation.

- I understand you are also devoted to helping young adults who have aged out of orphanages adapt socially. Is there a special reason?

▲ Children raised by good parents with love have the strength to protect themselves and live. In contrast, children who age out of orphanages are in a serious blind spot of care. There is no management of where they live or die. Many friends easily fall victim to scams and become homeless after losing the 10 million won they received when leaving the orphanage. When I meet them, most have mental illnesses such as depression, anger, and anxiety disorders. Together with psychological counselors I work with, we provide free counseling and often gather to practice living like a family, with 38 people attending. Significant changes are occurring. Surprisingly, they like it when I nag them like a mother saying "You shouldn’t do that." They feel genuine care.

- Is there tangible effectiveness?

▲ What’s noteworthy is that good role models are emerging from within. Successful entrepreneurs, well-employed, married seniors mingle with them, showing "I was just like you, and you can do it too." This is helpful. Those who apply for individual counseling meet once a week for 10 sessions and see results through training to develop the habit of valuing themselves.

- The book title is "Depressive Feelings Are Also a Habit." Could you share tips on changing habits?

▲ It’s important to care for the "core emotions." For example, in inmate counseling, the number one concern is "Why do I keep repeating the same crime?" Their minds are full of anger and anxiety. Many are easily angered and have severe inferiority complexes, often stemming from wounds received from caregivers in childhood. When asked why they killed someone, murderers often say, "Because the other person disrespected me." Many react very sensitively to small stimuli. I help them realize that "anger is also a habit" and look into their core emotions. Once you identify core emotions, you can understand "why" you were angry. You cannot eliminate core emotions, but by recognizing them and understanding the experiences that generated them, you can use core emotions beneficially for yourself.

- Is there an emergency method to quickly escape when faced with unavoidable depression?

▲ Just mastering the "breathing technique" helps manage emotions well. It’s good to sit with correct posture, exhale slowly for 3 seconds, inhale for 3 seconds, and repeat this 3-4 times. The amygdala, which governs instinct, emotion, and behavior, takes 3 seconds to react to stimuli. It’s important to buy 6 seconds?the time it takes for the stimulus to travel from the "instinctive brain" to the "rational brain." When anxious, writing down vague worries to make them concrete also helps. Clearly and precisely describing the reality of emotions helps relieve suffering.

Psychological Counselor Park Sang-mi

She is a professor in the interdisciplinary graduate program at Hanyang University and serves as the dean of the psychological therapy education institution "Healing Campus The Gonggam." After experiencing the effects of Viktor Frankl’s "Logotherapy" in Germany, she has taken the lead in logotherapy education. She serves as vice president of the Korean Society of Logotherapy, chaired by Dr. Lee Si-hyung, known as the "National Health Mentor." She has published ten books, including "Park Sang-mi’s Family Counseling Center" and "What Is the Meaning of My Life?" and uses the proceeds to support young adults who have aged out of orphanages.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.