[How About This Book] If You Don’t ‘Settle,’ You Have to Reach ‘That Place’ and Run Again

[Asia Economy Reporter Seomideum] Do you always feel chased? Even when resting on holidays, is your mind uneasy? Do you feel empty and lonely for no reason... Do you dislike the frantic and anxious version of yourself?

Performance expert Brad Stulberg felt the same way. He participated in drafting healthcare policy proposals for the White House National Economic Council in 2010 and was a so-called successful coach who guided CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, professionals, world-class artists, and athletes toward growth and success. Yet, he experienced anxiety, nervousness, distraction, lethargy, negative impulses, and burnout. In his book I Decided to Live Strong, he confesses that he was always struggling with the thought that he had to be one step ahead of others.

The author describes the relentless competitive attitude to be one step ahead of others as “heroic individualism.” He points out that once trapped in the narrow belief that only measurable results determine success, one must live a sick life running toward a finish line that can never be reached.

The saying that frequency matters more than magnitude in happiness is a well-known teaching. The author explains this as “hedonic adaptation.” When you gain or achieve something new, your happiness, well-being, and satisfaction increase, but within a few months, that level returns to baseline. The “arrival fallacy” is similar; the author notes that even if you achieve what you wished for and “arrive” at your desired place, the happiness you expected is only temporary.

Many who lived diligently have actually fallen into these traps and suffered. Famous singer Sara Bareilles, basketball star Kevin Love, actress Andrea Barber from the drama Full House, and pioneering scientist Steven Hayes went through such processes. The author says they were able to escape the swamp of unhappiness only after realizing that well-being and peace of mind are factors of lasting happiness.

This is not just the author’s claim but also the teaching of ancient sages. Buddha of Buddhism said true peace can only be found in “loving awareness,” and Stoic philosophers taught that one should focus on “properly settling” in life rather than seeking others’ recognition. Taoist thinker Laozi also said that once firmly settled, one will not be shaken by the world’s storms, and 4th-century Christian thinker Saint Augustine warned that becoming a slave to the passion for visible achievements leaves one endlessly chasing the “next” without satisfaction.

So how can one properly “settle”? The author suggests ▲acceptance ▲focus ▲patience ▲vulnerability ▲connection ▲exercise as solutions.

First, you must coldly recognize and accept where you are or where you should be. Researchers at UC Berkeley recommend the method of “distancing from oneself,” such as imagining your situation as a friend’s or a third party’s and thinking about what advice you would give. Doing so helps you focus more on life and stop frequent course corrections by looking toward the more distant future rather than immediate results, the author advises.

Recognizing and acknowledging your vulnerability also helps. The author risked his career to share his experience with obsession in a magazine and received messages of empathy and comfort from countless readers worldwide. As a result, he became closer to people and was able to form deep connections.

Finally, exercise reminds us of the value of immersion and focus. The author explains that regularly moving your body like exercise makes emotional regulation and maintaining calm easier, and improves creativity and memory.

In fact, the content mainly consists of things you might already know if you have read related books. The author’s experiences and anecdotes mainly reinforce the related claims. Ultimately, the important thing is practice, and the author encourages reducing the “gap between knowing and doing” through the words of Thich Nhat Hanh: “If you want to cultivate a garden, you must bend your body and touch the soil. Gardening is not about thinking but about doing with your body.” In this regard, the author included practical missions in the book that may help readers.

I Decided to Live Strong | Brad Stulberg | Translated by Kim Jeong-a | Bookie | 18,000 KRW

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.