"Having Children in a Split Marriage, So the Child's Surname Is the Mother's"…A Proposal from the Bride-to-Be

Fiancee Facing Marriage Conflicts Over Child's Surname
"Having the Child Is My Role... It's Fair to Give My Surname"
"Using Mother's Surname Is Fine" vs "It's a Business, Not Marriage"

Amid the so-called 'half-and-half marriage,' where couples split costs evenly due to the worsening economic recession each year, a soon-to-be bride has raised the issue of whether a child’s surname must follow the father’s even in a half-and-half marriage, sparking heated debates among netizens.

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On the 14th, a post titled 'Child’s Surname Issue in Half-and-Half Marriage' was uploaded on an online community, drawing attention. The author, Ms. A, who is about to marry her boyfriend who is three years older, said, "We both have stable jobs with similar annual salaries and are very ambitious at work. Our thoughts are quite similar, so when we dated, we used a joint account for dates without any complaints." She continued, "Even after marriage, we agreed to manage our money separately but each contribute 2.5 million won from our salaries to cover loan interest, living expenses, and savings. The cash we bring individually doesn’t differ much."

However, Ms. A said she began considering breaking off the engagement while discussing marriage-related matters with her boyfriend. She explained the conflict, saying, "There are two points we can’t agree on: both of us should take as much parental leave as possible, and I want the child’s surname to follow mine." She added, "My usually rational and precise boyfriend, who always insists on splitting everything evenly, is firm on not agreeing to these two issues."

Ms. A said, "Since I’m the one who mostly carries the child for 10 months, I want to give the child my surname. I think that’s fair." She asked for advice, saying, "I want to ask those who have had half-and-half marriages how they handled the child’s surname." She added, "He himself said he dislikes patriarchy and believes women should work, and that being a full-time housewife is wrong, but suddenly when he emotionally appeals on this matter, it feels like double standards." She further explained, "In the end, he said he would bring in several tens of millions more and insisted the child’s surname be his. I also talked to my parents and said I could bring in the same amount, so I argued we should match the amount equally."

Exhausted by the ongoing conflict, Ms. A said she no longer wants to get married, sharing her bitter feelings: "I thought this man would be okay, so I dated him, but when it came to marriage, he considers me the primary caregiver and only intends to help. He is lukewarm about housework sharing and filial duties." She added, "I want to just have the child, register the child under my family register comfortably, and if my boyfriend wants visitation rights, he can see the child while paying child support; if not, I want to raise the child happily as mine without child support. I feel it’s better to be alone than to force a marriage I’m reluctant to have."

Since the Abolition of the Hoju System in 2005... Increasing Number of Children Following Mother’s Surname and Clan

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Netizens who read the post responded with comments such as, "These days, more people like Ms. A are increasing. Husbands are not just unnecessary but almost a negative presence," "As long as there is pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, and holidays, there is no such thing as half-and-half marriage," and "Since the mother gives birth, it’s right for the child to take the mother’s surname."

On the other hand, some netizens expressed negative reactions, saying, "Relationships based on calculations never last long," "It feels more like a business than a marriage. What’s the difference from cohabitation?" "Just break up. If it’s not my surname, does that mean it’s not my child?" and "I don’t understand the concept of half-and-half marriage itself. I don’t know why anyone would go through such a tiring marriage."

Meanwhile, since the abolition of the Hoju system in 2005, the number of women who want to pass their surname to their children has been increasing every year. According to data submitted by the Court Administration Office to Justice Party lawmaker Eun-Joo Lee in 2020, the number of cases where couples agreed for their children to follow the mother’s surname and clan when registering their marriage increased from 254 cases in 2018 to 379 cases in 2019. In June 2020, a total of 204 cases were reported. Under Article 781, Paragraph 1 of the current Civil Act, "a child shall follow the surname and clan of the father. However, if the parents agree at the time of marriage registration to follow the mother’s surname and clan, the child may follow the mother’s surname and clan," so the number of children following the mother’s surname and clan is expected to continue to rise.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.