[One Thousand Characters a Day] Insight into Beauty 'Easy Beauty' <5>

Editor's NoteChloe has had to live her life being denied everything, including survival itself, since birth. However, through the experience of pregnancy?which she was told was absolutely impossible?she raises important questions about motherhood for women with disabilities. Many, including her attending physician and those around her, warned her that "this pregnancy is dangerous," even invoking morality. Her body was not a body that "could not get pregnant," but a body that "should not." Chloe can no longer imagine life without her son, Wolfgang. Yet, she confesses that holding her warm, weighty baby right after birth was not purely joyful but felt strange and confusing as a human being. This realistically shows how heavily the burden of motherhood weighs on women, and especially on women with disabilities. Word count: 982.

The obstetrician thought my hips might separate in the late stages of pregnancy. He said my misaligned pubic symphysis could come apart. He told me I would have to stay immobile, lying in bed, and that my spine would suffer permanent damage. But most often, he said my child might be born with permanent damage and incomplete development. The doctor said to me,

"Have you considered whether this is morally right?"

(omitted)

One day blends into another. In the evenings, we go for walks. After weeks, warm days have arrived. The sun hanging in the sky during the day bathes everything in golden light. Even though Halloween has passed, people still wear unique costumes. Doctor Strange, the Marvel movie character, smokes a cigarette on the corner. Wolfgang’s hair is soaked with sweat, sticking to his temples. I hold Wolfgang’s small hand as we walk down the street. Two swollen pieces pass through other life forms like mayflies.

The breeze gently blows, and the light sparkles. The child looks up at me and smiles. At that very moment, the child feels content and secure. The child is simply taking a walk with his mother on an autumn day. It will be a walk he won’t remember later. Just a few more blocks, just a few more minutes, and the walk will be over. It is the most boring, ordinary, and beautiful few minutes of my life. If I fully focus on those few minutes, I believe they will leave a shadow on me. I want to prevent those minutes from fading. I want to fossilize those minutes, take them to my neutral room, and analyze them, but instead, I just focus on the moment and let it pass. Then, the next morning, I receive a new gift of beauty. The morning song, a simple melody, the rhythmic sound of Andrew walking around the kitchen in socks, the faucet’s song, the sound of water dripping onto a plate and hitting the metal sink, the clattering sound of detergent going into a dirty coffee pot.

- Chloe Cooper Jones, Easy Beauty, translated by An Jin-yi, Hankyoreh Publishing, 25,000 KRW

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.