[One Sip of a Book] Desire for Recognition? ... Just Live the Way You Want.

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The author, a professor at Meiji University and a psychological counselor with 35 years of experience, guides readers on how to abandon the ‘need for approval’ and become free from others’ gaze. How much energy do we expend habitually checking others’ feelings and counting the number of followers and ‘likes’ on SNS? This book helps readers stop being consumed by excessive approval-seeking and live a better life by letting go of the need for approval.

The majority of people in the world, 80 percent, live driven by the need for approval. Such people always live with fear. They live as ‘the me seen through others’ eyes’ and strive to shine in the eyes of the world. Even if they succeed in appearing that way, anxiety never leaves them?worrying ‘Will I someday be ignored by the world?’ or ‘What if I am abandoned?’ - p.23, from Chapter 1: The Only Two Paths in Life

However, the problem lies in the fact that this need for approval is excessive. There are many ways to satisfy this need: earning a lot of money, living a wealthy life, wearing good watches and clothes, becoming famous, increasing SNS followers, and so on. Originally, approval was necessary for survival within society, but as it became linked to self-esteem, it distorted into the logic that ‘If I am not recognized by others, I have no value to myself.’ - p.43, from Chapter 2: Understanding the Nature of the Need for Approval

The phrases “I was ignored!” and “He’s showing off!” condense the existence mode of modern people. Unconsciously, a mental role is formed in which one believes and acts as if they are that role. For example, one perceives themselves as the role of being hurt. - p.95, from Chapter 3: People Controlled by the Need for Approval

Many people come to counseling with worries like ‘I want to love but cannot. I feel like I am an inferior being,’ or ‘As I am now, I feel something precious as a human is missing.’ Underlying these concerns is a psychology deeply related to the need for approval: ‘I am easily hurt,’ and ‘Because I want to avoid such hurt, I give up on loving and being loved.’ - p.147, from Chapter 4: Why Can’t Someone Love?

Once you break the mode of existence as the self seen through others’ eyes, you inevitably face your own emptiness. You spend time overwhelmed by the fact that there is nothing and you don’t know what to do. At this time, it is most important not to run away but to acknowledge your emptiness. If you are not empty, truly precious things cannot come in. - p.205, from Chapter 5: The 9-Step Self-Growth Program to Let Go of the Need for Approval

Why must we receive others’ approval? Approval is only a means to live the life you want to live. You must not confuse the purpose with the means. Live as you want. That is enough. - p.222, from Chapter 6: Pride Zero, 100 Percent Self-Affirmation Life

Letting Go of the Need for Approval | Written by Morotomi Yoshihiko | Translated by Choi Hwayeon | RHK | 16,800 KRW

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