[Lee Yongbeom's Psychology of Happiness] Diamonds? Things Hard to Get but More Needed Than Immediate Wants

<23> What Kind of Gift Should You Give During the Year-End and New Year?

Iyongbeom Novelist

As the year draws to a close, people often find themselves struggling to choose gifts for those they are grateful to. It becomes especially difficult when you don’t know what the other person wants, when you need to be formal, or when you want to win their heart.

People often say that the heart behind a gift is more important than its price. But what exactly is a gift filled with heart, and where is the boundary of an appropriate price? In the short story "The Gift of the Magi" by American writer O. Henry (1862?1910), a young couple offers each other their most precious possessions. The gifts they exchange are so touching they bring tears to the eyes, but unlike in novels, real life is not always so dramatic.

◆ What kind of gift is good? = Giving a gift is different from handing clothes or shoes to someone in need. A gift does not provide practical utility but rather establishes your place in the recipient’s heart and expands its breadth and depth as much as possible. Therefore, a gift’s utility does not necessarily increase satisfaction. Psychologists offer several tips to consider when giving gifts.

First, give something the recipient wants rather than something they immediately need. A diamond necklace has no practical use other than showing off to others, yet everyone desires one. That is why it is expensive and precious. Gifts people want are often those that have no immediate use but are kept for a long time. Something that does not easily disappear and cannot be casually transferred?that is what people most desire in a gift.

Second, give special experiences and time. Christopher See, a professor at the University of Chicago, cited NFL players as an example. One week after the Super Bowl, the All-Star game is held. Many All-Star players skip the event despite huge appearance fees because spending time on vacation with family is more important than money.

In response, since 1979, the NFL moved the All-Star game location to Hawaii and provided players with airline tickets and hotel accommodations for their girlfriends. As a result, participation rates among star players increased significantly. Everyone wants money, but sometimes giving a plane ticket to a travel destination is better than handing over a cash envelope.

◆ Gifts worse than giving nothing = Third, do not convert all gifts into monetary value. Imagine you visited a friend undergoing surgery and donated blood for them. After the surgery, your friend sends you 100,000 won in cash as thanks. How would you feel when you see 100,000 won deposited in your bank account? When goodwill is converted into money, the original good intention is nullified. The pure motive to help a friend is damaged.

In 2008, a Swedish research team divided 153 women and 119 men willing to donate blood into three groups for an experiment. The first group was told no compensation would be given for donating blood. The second group was told they would receive a small amount of money. The remaining group was told they could donate the money received for blood donation to a pediatric cancer charity.

Among men, there was little difference between the three groups. However, among women, 52% of the no-compensation group said they would participate in blood donation, while only 30% of the compensated group said they would. Interestingly, 53% of women said they would donate the money received to charity.

This experiment showed that rewarding goodwill with material value can backfire. The most valuable reward for goodwill is pure goodwill itself.

NFL All-Star players skip event choosing family over money
Would 100,000 won in a bank account for blood donation bring joy?
A 90,000 won scarf better than a 100,000 won coat...
When unsure what the other wants? Just ask
Whether you worry about choosing a gift or not doesn’t matter
If they get what they want, that’s enough

Fourth, focus on quality over quantity. A gift does not have to be a luxury or designer item. Among inexpensive gifts of the same kind, choose the best one. For example, giving one bottle of premium wine is better than a set of three cheap wines. The recipient will keep it for a long time and give it to the right person on a special occasion. They will also talk about you, the giver. Therefore, a 90,000 won scarf is better than a 100,000 won coat.

Even if you think the gift is insufficient, avoid adding extras. Adding extras can actually reduce the gift’s value. Suppose you want to buy a 24-piece dinnerware set, but next to it is a 31-piece set at a similar price. The 31-piece set includes the complete 24-piece set plus 7 pieces with slight defects. If the prices are similar, a frugal shopper might choose the 31-piece set. But if it’s a gift, choosing the intact 24-piece set is wiser. The cheap extras reduce the appeal of the expensive gift. So if you get lucky and receive extras, it’s better for you to keep them.

◆ Between waiting and expectation = Fifth, consider the recipient’s personality and situation. What if you don’t know what the other wants? Mary Steffel, assistant professor at Northeastern University, recommends asking directly what they want. Asking what gift they want is not as rude as we think. You might plan to give your mother designer shoes, but she might actually want a dishwasher.

Of course, if you are not close, it can be difficult to ask what gift they want. Also, asking the recipient to choose a gift might only cause them more trouble. In such cases, it’s better not to give the recipient a choice from the start.

Sometimes it’s better to tell the recipient what the gift will be. Other times, it’s better to keep it a secret and surprise them. If the recipient already knows they will receive a gift and you know what they desperately want, it’s better to tell them in advance.

What delights us is expectation. When giving something the recipient desperately wants, telling them beforehand lets them enjoy the anticipation for a long time. If the recipient does not expect anything, a surprise event is better to impress them.

For companies or organizations giving routine gifts, it’s better to give multiple times if possible. Even small gifts given once at Christmas and once at Lunar New Year can double the recipient’s joy. Companies and organizations inevitably send the same gift to many people, which makes the gift selector’s dilemma even deeper.

It is impossible to choose a gift everyone wants. Therefore, often a mediocre gift is chosen. In such cases, rather than spending effort on choosing the gift, consider adding unique personal meaning to an ordinary gift. You could engrave the recipient’s initials on the gift or wrap it in a special way.

The recipient is not very interested in the effort you put into choosing the gift. According to a 2012 study, recipients showed no difference in reaction whether the gift was carefully chosen or randomly picked. Of course, if the gift feels insignificant, you should explain the time and effort you spent obtaining it.

If you don’t want to waste time and energy choosing a gift, gift cards are not a bad option. However, gift cards with limited use are less effective. Suppose the recipient likes coffee or movies. If you give a gift card that can only be used for those, they tend not to use it much. When giving a gift card, you should also give discretion on how to use it.

The time to think of and thank those you appreciate is approaching. A warm greeting and a thankful heart are enough, but if you must give gifts, it’s best to exchange them without burdening each other.

Novelist

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.