[Joseonhee's Frame] The Defining Moment of My Life

Published 04 May.2020 17:31(KST)

Due to the lack of lighting and darkness, a high-sensitivity film was used, resulting in coarse grain and shallow depth of field, so technically, an excellent photo was not obtained. 1995 Nam June Paik. (Photo by Joa Joa Studio)

I was standing right in the middle of New York's SoHo street.

I don't remember who I was supposed to meet that day or what I did. It was my first time in New York, and SoHo... I couldn't believe I was standing in SoHo. Even back then, people said SoHo was already over, but to my eyes, it was still an artist's neighborhood.

The person I was supposed to meet left me standing on that street and never showed up. I didn't even have a smartphone, not even a 2D phone, so I had no choice but to watch the people of SoHo aimlessly. I regretted not bringing a camera?I always had a habit of carrying at least one camera with me... Why did I forget it that time? What made me leave the camera behind?

It was at that moment. The moment that would make me regret not having a camera in my hand for the rest of my life. I ran into the world-renowned artist Nam June Paik, sitting in a wheelchair pushed by a tall, slender Black caregiver!

That moment reminded me of a time several years ago when I photographed Nam June Paik. When he came to Korea for an exhibition, a reporter contacted me saying they had arranged a difficult interview schedule, and we went to the museum where he was. However, someone managing his schedule told us, to our shock, that we were not on the list.

But 'stubborn' Joseonhee was determined not to just turn back. I begged to just follow him around, promising not to ask him to pose or take up his time, and somehow earned the right to accompany him. While the artist was having a meal and interview somewhere in Insadong, my mission was to photograph him as if he were sitting right in front of my camera!

With no lighting equipment, just a camera and a 100mm lens, I cut out all surrounding noise and documentary elements and captured him against the background of a lacquered mother-of-pearl cabinet door. Due to the lack of lighting and the dim environment, I used high-sensitivity film, resulting in grainy images and shallow depth of field, so technically the photos were not excellent.

The regret of not having taken good photos of Nam June Paik, whom I would never meet again in my lifetime, always lingered in my heart... and then I ran into him again on SoHo street. I felt sorry to the artist, but as a photographer, it was definitely a scene I desired. Visually, how incredible was the punctum? SoHo street stretching far behind, the tall young Black caregiver pushing the wheelchair, and the world's greatest artist sitting in it...

My heart was pounding and my fingers twitched, but I had no camera. At this decisive moment, which would be hard to encounter without any staging, I did not bring a camera.

I still sometimes have nightmares about being in the middle of a photo shoot without a camera or the shutter not clicking?maybe it all started from this moment. Should I have bought a disposable camera and taken the shot? What if I had explained my intentions well and made an appointment? All sorts of regrets have stabbed my heart for years. If I had to pick the most regrettable moment in my life as a photographer, it would be this one. Twenty-eight-year-old Joseonhee standing foolishly on SoHo street, unable to do anything just because she didn’t have a camera in her hand.

The scene on SoHo street is still vividly etched in my mind like a photograph even after more than 20 years. That scene has probably been edited into an even greater photo than it was back then. Over time, the light and tone have become more beautiful, the artist’s expression, the SoHo street unfolding behind him, and the people passing by in the background! That scene has forever remained my own photograph. Edition number 1/1.