"Spending Two Million Won a Month, But It's Not a Terminal Illness"... Adoptive Family Says 'We're Lucky We Met' [Forgotten Children] ⑫

No Resemblance, Yet a Family All the Same


Zero Overseas Adoptions: Domestic Adoption as a Realistic Alternative

Society’s Persistent Prejudice Remains a Challenge

Adoptive Families Want to Hear “Congratulations,” Not “You’re Amazi

'Zero overseas adoptions' is not just about reducing the numbers; it is about creating families and protection systems in which children can grow up safely within the country. In this process, domestic adoption remains an important and practical alternative, but society’s perspective has yet to catch up.

Adoptive families say they would rather hear “Congratulations on your new family” than being told they are “amazing.” This is because the moment a child and a family come together, everyone’s lives change. On March 17 in Gangbuk-gu, Seoul, we met Siu's family, a domestic adoptive family. We asked them about the meaning of family.

Siune's family, who are domestic adoptive parents, enjoy traveling. The importance of family becomes even more meaningful in unfamiliar places. The Kim couple said, "We hope Siu grows up to be a child who knows the seasons" and "We plan to go on a family trip again this summer." The photo is a family picture taken during their last trip. (Faces are blurred to protect privacy)

May 2017.

A newborn, barely able to open their eyes, struggled to lift their eyelids and make eye contact with the couple. Just past 50 days old, Siu (10, pseudonym) was welcomed into the arms of the Kim Jeongsuk and Lee Seokhwan couple (pseudonyms) that spring.

Before meeting Siu, the couple had lost two children. Their first was lost at 26 weeks, and the second at 24 weeks, both due to premature birth. Although their longing for a child led them to decide on adoption, it took three years before they actually set foot in an adoption agency. More than comments from those around them such as, “There’s no point in raising someone else’s child,” or “Blood ties are important,” what troubled them most was the fear of whether they could truly be good parents.

At that time, the public adoption system had not yet been restructured, and the Child Rights Guarantee Agency was not yet overseeing the entire process. The couple met Siu through a private adoption agency. The procedures were rigorous. In addition to a health checkup including an alcohol test, they had to submit documents on mental health history, movable and immovable property, employment certificates, academic diplomas, and transcripts.

The parenting plan even included details on the couple’s strengths and weaknesses, how and where they met, and how they came to marry. Kim said with a laugh, “Even biological parents probably aren’t this thoroughly prepared.” Still, she added, “Considering there have been unfortunate cases in the past, I do think this level of vetting is necessary.”

Siu seemed to be developing quickly. Even at only 50 days old, she could hold up her head. It was only later that they realized why. Because the agency used so-called ‘self-feeding,’ where a bottle is left in the child’s mouth, her neck muscles had unintentionally developed first. When she was full, she had to turn her head away by herself. Siu was also afraid to sleep with the lights off. At the institution, children were cared for in three shifts and always lived under fluorescent lights, so she had never experienced a ‘dark night.’ She even faked burps when being patted after feeding. At the institution, staff would pat the children’s backs hard to make them burp quickly, but Siu, disliking that, would try to get out of the situation with a shallow burp. Then, one day when her back was gently stroked for a long time, Siu managed a long burp. In that moment, a bit of the sadness that had lingered in Kim’s heart began to fade.

But after that, all other areas of development slowed. Around her first birthday, a doctor mentioned her legs were different lengths, and further tests revealed hemivertebra—a congenital spinal deformity where the vertebra did not fully form. From then on, Siu’s body began to curve to one side. The couple pored over medical books and searched for hospitals across the country. Hearing that the earlier the surgery, the better the recovery, Siu underwent surgery at the age of three. But the results were not good. Her spine curved again, and her fragile body now had metal rods inserted. Still, the couple would comfort each other, seeing even sicker children in the hospital. “This much, we can handle.”

Nonetheless, with every new test, another diagnosis was added: dyslexia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), developmental disorder. Each time, the couple “poured everything into treatment.” But when a chromosomal abnormality was finally diagnosed, it felt as if the dam they had held up broke all at once. Kim left the doctor’s office and, before she knew it, collapsed onto the floor. She had cried so much that no more tears would come. At that moment, Siu came up, held her hand, and said, “Mom, get up.”

Even now, the Kim couple goes to the hospital five days a week. They travel between Seoul National University Hospital, Korea University Hospital, and Kangbuk Samsung Hospital for spinal treatment, ophthalmology, dyslexia therapy, speech, play, and cognitive therapy related to developmental disabilities, as well as physical therapy, spending over 2 million won per month on medical bills. The couple said, “Still, we are lucky. It’s not a terminal illness.” They often wonder what would have happened to Siu if she had not been adopted and thus not received proper treatment. Whenever these thoughts arise, they say to each other, “We’re lucky we met.”

Third grade is usually when parents start thinking about education and sending their children to after-school academies. Kim said, “Others do the Daechi-dong academy run, but I live doing the hospital run,” and added, “When I see myself determined to do whatever it takes to fix things, I think, ‘She really is my child.’”

Thanks to this, Siu has become so healthy that it is hard to believe she once struggled with mobility. She is bright and affectionate. When a stranger, such as a reporter, visited for an interview, she even asked, “Should I carry your bag?” She gets her warmth from her father, Lee. Lee used to work at a company that required him to come home at 2 or 3 a.m. and work weekends. Wanting to spend more time with Siu as she grew, he changed jobs to one with a four-day workweek. In the neighborhood, he is known as the dad who holds the jump rope for the children. Siu looks for her father as soon as she wakes up in the morning. When they play, she sprints at full speed and throws herself into his arms. Lee said, “It means she trusts and relies on her dad that much.”

Still, shouldn’t Siu be told that she has biological parents?

The couple has naturally talked about her adoption to Siu since she was little. They did not want to hide the beginning of their family. At gatherings of adoptive families, the advice is always, “Share it openly and often, whenever the mood is good.” Among adoptive parents, it is said that “Adopted children will inevitably face the aftereffects, but it’s better to let it come in small waves rather than in one big shock.”

When Siu was five, she suddenly asked while reading a storybook, “Why couldn’t the person who gave birth to me raise me?” Kim answered, “They couldn’t because of their circumstances. They cried a lot because they were sad. Instead, they asked someone to ‘please find the best mom for Siu.’ Among those searching hard, Mom and Dad were chosen. We were very lucky.”

Recently, the couple has begun to tell close friends and acquaintances about Siu’s adoption. Then, one mother listening to Kim said, “Don’t lie, you look so much alike!”

In truth, Siu and her parents did not resemble each other. Usually, adoptive parents and children are matched based on appearance, but that was not the case for Siu’s family. The couple had hoped at least their blood types would match, but all three have different blood types. Yet, over ten years, they have come to resemble one another—gentle smiles and crescent-shaped eyes when they laugh, all three share these features.

Still, there are moments of anxiety. “What if Siu leaves us one day?” “What if she likes her birth parents better?” These are common worries among adoptive parents. Another adoptive family once reassured them, “Just because a child wants to know their biological parents doesn’t mean they want to live with them.”

When asked what “family” means, Siu looked at her parents and answered without hesitation.

“The people you live with.”

It is not blood, but the time spent together and daily care that makes a family.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.