[Haruchunja] From Today, I Decided to Rewrite Myself <4>

Editor's NoteWhen the body is tired and frequently ill, the mind tends to lean towards negativity. It is better for the body to be weak than the mind, as the mind is resilient. The author needed numerous trials, errors, and courage to reach a point where they could care for themselves without hating their shortcomings. Following discussions on physical strength and mood management, the final part of the book talks about life attitudes, sharing efforts to cultivate and maintain that resilient mind. The author calls this attitude of consistently growing and affirming life despite imperfections not ‘perfectionism’ but ‘completionism.’ Though it sounds contradictory, rewriting oneself begins with accepting the current self as is. Word count: 991.

I took off my sandals first and put them into the shopping bag. The shy friends around me also began to take off their shoes and socks one by one. Stepping onto the cold, slippery ocher soil reminded me of the clay we played with during art class as children. I remembered wetting my palms with water to make the clay stickier when molding something with clay or modeling clay. The modeling clay dough became more slippery the more I kneaded it, and the feeling of the wet ocher path was exactly like that. Fearing I might slip, I tightened all ten toes and climbed the uphill. Even though it was a shaded path under the trees, heat rose from my body. Although we started together, the distance between us grew as we walked. Those ahead stopped to wait for those behind. Sunlight filtered through the dense trees.

After about 30 minutes, a large wooden platform halfway up the mountain welcomed us. “Shall we rest there?” someone called out, and without hesitation, we all lay down flat on the platform. Dangling my dirt-stained feet, I gazed blankly at the sky visible through the green leaves. Memories of when my atopic dermatitis worsened, and I quit my job to climb the mountain behind my house alone every day came back like a past life. The difference was that I was no longer lonely like then. The world was still beautiful, and I was no longer gloomy. I was part of that world.

Lying there, I found myself a little funny and amazed. I used to avoid getting dirt on my hands and would only sit on the ground if I laid down a handkerchief, but now, whenever I see a place to lie down, I don’t care if my clothes get dirty and lay down on my back first. I try to take off my socks and walk barefoot whenever I get the chance, even proclaiming myself a barefoot evangelist. It seems that soil holds a magic that softens a stiff mind.

When the body hurts, I find myself drawn closer to nature. It wasn’t difficult. I just had to remove the obstacles between my soles and the ground. If I were very healthy, would I have come to the mountain? Would I have walked barefoot and laid down looking up at the sky with these wonderful people? Thinking that way, I felt that even in an unfair world, there remains a bit of fairness. Somewhere, a cute bird’s song was heard.

－Kim Sun-young, From Today, I Decided to Rewrite Myself, Bookie, 17,500 KRW

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.