Netizens Debate Over Husband's Complaints About 'Disappointed' Wife Not Helping With Jesa Ceremony

Husband Quarreled Over Ancestral Rites for Wife and Father
"I Asked for Help, but He Just Watched"

A husband's story about being disappointed with his wife who attended the ancestral rites but did not help with tasks like frying jeon (Korean pancakes) has sparked heated debates among netizens.

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On the 28th, a post titled "We had a fight about ancestral rites, please give me some advice" was uploaded on an online community. As of the 29th, the post had garnered 22,800 views and 200 comments, becoming a major topic of discussion. The author, Mr. A, who is a father of a 4-year-old child, began by saying, "My wife and I have an 8-year age difference, and we started our married life without help from either of our parents."

Mr. A explained, "A few days ago, there was my father's ancestral rite, so I went down to Gyeongsan with my wife and child. When we arrived around 4 p.m., my mother had already prepared all the food." He continued, "While preparing the ritual table, my mother and aunt were in the kitchen preparing food, and I was about to place the food on the table. Knowing that my wife did not want to come to the ritual, I asked her, who was in the room, to wipe the table with wet wipes with the intention of preparing together. Even though I spoke loudly, my wife stayed in the room with the child. I asked her again to come out, wipe the plates, and serve the food, and I would place the food on the table. She came out briefly, stood awkwardly watching other family members prepare the ritual, and then went back into the room without saying a word," he claimed.

Mr. A said, "I was very disappointed in my wife because of this. I thought it would be good if family members prepared together for my father's ancestral rite. But even though I asked her to help, she silently refused and went inside. I was greatly disappointed." He added, "My wife seems to think that just attending the in-laws' ancestral rite, which is 3.5 to 4 hours away, is enough. She says she doesn't understand why she has to be involved in placing unfamiliar ritual foods in a small house with many unfamiliar elders. She finds everything unfamiliar, like how to arrange the fruit, where to place things, and the order of bowing. She even said she would feel more comfortable doing the dishes. I don't know how to resolve this conflict," he asked for opinions.

Mr. A's wife, Mrs. B, responded to the post, saying, "I tried to get along well with my in-laws. I even stayed at their house for several days without any special occasions and attended holidays. But I never got used to the ancestral rites culture. Whenever I struggled, the in-laws would say things like, 'You married into a busy family, what can you do?' but I don't understand why the ancestral rites should be my responsibility or why I should be stressed about preparing holiday ritual foods. I deeply felt that a daughter-in-law can never truly become family."

Netizens who read the story commented, "The wife must have felt very hurt. It's awkward and uncomfortable, but the husband just yells at her for not doing anything," "Everyone is probably watching how well she does in an unfamiliar environment, so please understand that she feels burdened. If she says doing the dishes is easier, imagine how hard it is," "The husband should try to understand the wife's feelings first," "He arrived at 4 p.m., placed the food on the table prepared by his mother, bowed, and left. What is he so dissatisfied about?" and "This is why each family should handle their own ancestral rites."

On the other hand, some netizens responded, "The husband must have been embarrassed, what is she doing?" "He didn't even ask her to cook, just to wipe the table once. Is that so difficult?" "The wife seems to lack consideration," "It's not like she's doing it alone, why would she hate doing it together so much?" and "It's not the great-grandfather's rite but the father-in-law's, so even if it's unfamiliar, she should at least pretend to participate."

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.