[Inside Chodong]The Meaning of Family, the Birth of a Family

원본보기 아이콘

On April 3, the final installment of the Asia Economy’s overseas adoption series "Forgotten Children" featured the story of a domestic adoptive family, "Siwoo’s Family," which resonated with many readers. Comments such as "I was moved to tears by this strong family," and "You can feel a bond even stronger than blood," poured in. The tone of the responses was similar: admiration. It seemed people were touched by the family’s decision to adopt in the face of social prejudice, and their positive acceptance of the child’s disability, which they discovered after the adoption.

Upon reflection, it felt strange. When a child is born, people naturally say, "Congratulations." But when a child is adopted and becomes part of a family, we still tend to say, "That’s amazing." Rather than simply congratulating the birth of a family, there remains a tendency to view it as someone’s special decision or good deed.

Does family really have to be formed by blood ties alone? For a long time, we have explained family in terms of blood relations, drawing boundaries based on surnames and places of birth. Yet in reality, with diverse family forms such as single-parent families, grandparent-grandchild families, blended families, foster families, and adoptive families, family can no longer be defined only by blood.

One adoptive family said they spent a long time looking at a letter their eight-year-old daughter wrote for Parents’ Day. "Mom and Dad, thank you for raising me." While children usually write, "Thank you for giving birth to me and raising me," there was no mention of "giving birth" in her letter. The parents said that single line made them reflect on the true essence of family. They said that even without blood ties, a family is "a bond formed by affection, stronger than blood."

Thinking of Siwoo’s family makes that sentiment even clearer. The parents take Siwoo to the hospital five days a week for spinal treatment, ophthalmology, speech, play, and cognitive therapy. Even though the monthly treatment cost exceeds 2 million won, they say, "Still, we’re grateful. It’s not a terminal illness," as they care for their child. They hope Siwoo will grow up to be "someone who knows the seasons," and are preparing a family trip this summer. Perhaps this is how a family is formed: not simply by sharing blood, but by sharing daily life, caring for each other when sick, and wanting to experience good things together. It is worth reconsidering the language we use for adoptive families. Adoptive families are not people performing good deeds on someone else’s behalf. Rather, it is a child finding a family, and a family welcoming a child to become a family together. This is something to be celebrated, not consumed as an extraordinary decision.

This is precisely why we are revisiting "the meaning of family" now. The government has announced a goal of zero overseas adoptions by 2029. However, children who cannot be cared for by their birth families and must wait for new ones continue to appear each year, yet there is still insufficient discussion about how to include them within the domestic protection system. Since the transition to a public adoption system last July, some have complained of delays and bottlenecks. But the more fundamental issue lies elsewhere: a change in social perception so that adoption is naturally accepted as one form of family. In fact, adoptive parents have cited "the blood-centered family system and culture" as the biggest reason domestic adoption is not more common. In the end, the long-standing idea of family as blood-based changes even more slowly than policy, leaving children waiting.

"Even spouses aren’t related by blood, but they become family." This is something I heard from an adoptive family, and it lingers with me. Blood ties may be one form of family, but they are not the only form. What domestic adoptive families need is not admiration for being "amazing," but the same ordinary, warm words offered to any family: "Congratulations. You have become a family."

© The Asia Business Daily(www.asiae.co.kr). All rights reserved.